360° Motherhood Evolution

Why Do Tears Happen?

If you’re afraid of vaginal tears or external skin tears around your intimate area during birth, it’s crucial to understand why these happen.

Once you understand the causes, that fear diminishes significantly — and it can even disappear altogether if you choose to practice the same exercises I used to birth a 4.3 kg baby without even a micro-tear.

What Can Cause Tearing?

—Not being in an environment where you feel safe.

—Not knowing how to fully relax and open your body — and not practicing it.

—Tensing your tissues at the wrong moment because of external or imagined fear.

—Doctors or midwives “assisting” by pressing hard on your belly (fundal pressure) to push the baby out urgently.

—Being in a position that doesn’t allow the birth canal to open fully.

—An episiotomy (a surgical cut) done routinely to enlarge the opening or “minimize the damage” from natural tears, or simply because it’s standard hospital protocol.

Not Being in a Safe Environment

This is the first and most important factor. Birth is an intimate process. If you don’t feel safe and completely relaxed, your birth canal can’t open fully.

Not Knowing How to Stay Open — or Not Practicing It

As I explain in my book Painless Birth – Associations, it’s vital to train yourself for the pushing phase by practicing how to stay open, no matter what sensations you feel “down there.”

Just like during my second birth, when I felt the “ring of fire,” my natural reflex was to tighten and protect myself — but I focused intensely on staying open. My chosen birth position helped too: I was in my knees, which allowed my vaginal tissues to open fully.

Tensing Up When You Shouldn’t — Due to Real or Imagined Threats

When you’re exposed in a birthing room, sometimes with the doctor applying oil to your intimate area, can feel awkward. That discomfort makes it harder to relax — instead, your body wants to protect itself by “closing up.”

It’s like when you’re on the toilet, and suddenly there’s a noise or a scare — your body automatically clamps shut.

In birth, of course, your body can’t reverse the baby’s descent, but it can slow things down by tightening the tissues. The labor might be well advanced, yet your body tries to hold back.

Doctors or Midwives Applying Fundal Pressure

If your body hesitates or delays pushing the baby out, some medical staff might try to “help” by pushing forcefully on your belly to get the baby out faster.

If your body wasn’t ready yet, that force can easily cause tears — big or small — depending on how strongly the tissues were holding.

Being in the Wrong Position

Sometimes the main problem is simply your position during birth.

As I explain in detail in my book, some positions are more advantageous than others.

The biggest disadvantage in hospital births (especially if you’re unfamiliar with their standard protocols) is being forced into the classic pushing position — flat on your back.

Even if you’re reclining at a 45-degree angle or lying on your side, there’s still pressure on certain parts of your pelvis. Your pelvic outlet can’t fully open.

Sometimes birth still goes smoothly in these positions — but sometimes, it’s just not enough space.

Episiotomy

Sometimes an episiotomy (a surgical cut) is performed:

—To enlarge the birth canal.

—To “minimize damage” from natural tears that doctors think “might be worse”.

—Simply because it’s hospital routine.

An episiotomy can happen for several reasons:

—A standard procedure you weren’t told about in advance.

—A decision your doctor didn’t discuss with you because you didn’t know to include it in your birth plan.

—A quick decision made during labor if the doctor feels there’s not enough room — sometimes without even telling you first.

There are two main types of cuts: midline (straight down) and mediolateral (angled sideways).

Both have pros and cons, but the most important thing to remember is: all cuts heal.

The ultimate advantage of a natural tear is that it happens exactly where it’s needed, where the pressure is strongest, and in the shape your body naturally requires. Natural tears generally heal cleaner and better.

There are different types of natural tears. Some are tiny and don’t require stitches; others do.

And they don’t hurt — you’ll usually get local anesthesia if stitches are needed, plus your natural birth hormones numb the area significantly.

My Own Experience

During my first beautiful, pain-free birth, I also had natural tears — but I never felt them, and they didn’t bother me at all. So why did this happen?

I was in a private hospital, laboring in a bathtub, sitting upright at a 45-degree angle, with my legs propped to the sides.

But my pushing phase dragged on for about an hour, and the medical team lost patience. Nobody thought to change my position, even though it wasn’t ideal for me. I’d stopped feeling my contractions clearly.

So they sped things up by pressing on my uterus, just below my stomach. My baby came out like a cannonball through a perineum that wasn’t fully open — and I was instinctively tightening my muscles because I was scared.

Still, it didn’t hurt. It felt like a quick mosquito bite — just a millisecond.

I had a small vaginal tear and a minor labial tear that needed stitches. I didn’t feel anything when they tore, nor any pain afterward. Birth hormones are powerful — they numb the area very well.

The doctor also gave me a small local anesthetic. Everything healed quickly and easily.

My first birth was beautiful and pain-free, despite a few details — the position and the tears. Honestly, those details didn’t matter. I was high on falling in love hormones.

But that doesn’t mean I ignored those lessons. I took everything I learned into my training for my second and third births — which were downright perfect.

All because I worked on removing fear and changing my beliefs about birth, through training, knowledge, and (gained) deep trust in my own body.

So, How Can You Prevent Tearing?

💛 1. Choose an environment where you feel safe.

Fear, lack of privacy, and lots of strangers or frequent checks can block your body from fully opening. The more comfortable you feel, the better your body will work.

💛 2. Pay attention to your position.

Avoid lying flat on your back during pushing if you can. Positions like squatting, kneeling, side-lying, or leaning on your partner help open the pelvis and reduce pressure on the perineum. Learn more about positions and how to practice them in my ebook.

💛 3. Let the pushing phase happen at its own pace.

The slower and more controlled you push, the more time your tissues have to stretch without tearing. Listen to your body, and don’t rush the process. Practice staying open — there are specific exercises in Pain-Free Birth – Associations.

💛 4. Practice breathing and relaxing your jaw.

A soft jaw means a soft pelvis. Low sounds and long exhales help keep your tissues relaxed and flexible. You’ll find these techniques in the training sections of Associations.

💛 5. Consider perineal massage.

It can help prepare your tissues to stretch and reduce tearing risk. Find out if it’s right for you in the detailed explanations in my ebook.

💛 6. Train your mind.

Use affirmations and positive visualizations. Replace fear of tearing with deep trust in your body. Learn how affirmations help here: https://blendingrainbows.com/painless-birth-answers-how-do-affirmations-help-me-have-a-painless-birth

💛 7. Have open conversations with your medical team.

Tell them clearly you’d like to avoid routine cuts and want to respect your body’s natural rhythm — even if that means your labor might overlap with a shift change. If you’re determined to deliver with your specific doctor, remember they might be under pressure to finish your birth within their working hours. Include these preferences in your birth plan.